It's really over ...

I read a great piece that touched something in me ...

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2007

When you break up with someone, you have this image in your mind that you'll wake up the next day and it will all be over. The feelings will be gone and you won't hurt anymore. Like everything just stops and it doesn't matter anymore. It works for the first couple of days and then one day you wake up and you realize that you miss them.

I could smell him this morning. His scent was all over the comforter that I hadn't used since we were together last. I remembered waking up next to him that day and wondering why everything had changed, why I couldn't be happy with what we had anymore.

The past three years haunt me. The make-ups and break ups were exhausting. I still remember the words exchanged during late night conversations. They echo in my ear and forever make me feel guilty for what hapened. The actions that took place in his room, where I sat, where he listened to my heart beat....I look everywhere and find him in everything. I look at my phone and remember how he eased my missing him for just a few moments with stories of the day and listening intently to what I did. I recently received my phone bill...every single call is to him... A bitter tangible reminder of us.

All I have now is the space and the silence.The words left unsaid will linger until they finally disappear with the lapse of time.We couldn't bring ourselves to say the things that could have saved us. Today I drank the last of the summer wine, tried on the lingerie I had bought for our fall getaway and finally let myself accept it...It's really over, there's no turning back.

Peace..