Smile

So I found out yesterday, quite by chance that my ex is seeing someone else. I know many of you would argue that we are broken up and that it should therefore not matter what he does with his life at this point, and I am inclined to agree. Still, I can't help but feel a little betrayed and hurt. We have been broken up for less than three months at this point, heck, I only accepted that it is over a month ago, and now this. Mind you, this is someone that I spent the past three years of my life with. Why is it, that for every happy in-love girl out there there is a broken heart left behind?

It's really over ...

I read a great piece that touched something in me ...

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2007

When you break up with someone, you have this image in your mind that you'll wake up the next day and it will all be over. The feelings will be gone and you won't hurt anymore. Like everything just stops and it doesn't matter anymore. It works for the first couple of days and then one day you wake up and you realize that you miss them.

I could smell him this morning. His scent was all over the comforter that I hadn't used since we were together last. I remembered waking up next to him that day and wondering why everything had changed, why I couldn't be happy with what we had anymore.

The past three years haunt me. The make-ups and break ups were exhausting. I still remember the words exchanged during late night conversations. They echo in my ear and forever make me feel guilty for what hapened. The actions that took place in his room, where I sat, where he listened to my heart beat....I look everywhere and find him in everything. I look at my phone and remember how he eased my missing him for just a few moments with stories of the day and listening intently to what I did. I recently received my phone bill...every single call is to him... A bitter tangible reminder of us.

All I have now is the space and the silence.The words left unsaid will linger until they finally disappear with the lapse of time.We couldn't bring ourselves to say the things that could have saved us. Today I drank the last of the summer wine, tried on the lingerie I had bought for our fall getaway and finally let myself accept it...It's really over, there's no turning back.

Peace..

Sentiments - It's only words

I am glad that you are not blue
I am scared of the unknown
I wish i'd held you longer the last time i saw you
I am hopeful that we shall be together again, soon
I am certain that forever and always, I will love you.

In the end, words were just that - words.

Humpty Dumpty

I have had a great fall. This time I am desperately hoping that someone with great expertise will put me back together so I am as good as new. Is that even a possibility?

A girl can only hope.

Changes ...

Are a part of life. An inevitability.

You thought you knew ... Random things you may or may not know about me

A friend very near and dear to my heart suggested that I should try blogging to get over my fear of writing. It is in the spirit of trying out this suggestion that I intend to update this page with my thoughts and the general going ons of my life. Whether I shall be successful in this endeavour remains to be seen.

So here's a little introduction on me!

• I am completely wholly and absolutely afraid of the dark. I can no longer sleep without the lights on, or someone else sleeping in the same room with me :)
• I believe that “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return”.
• According to me, Moulin Rouge is one of the greatest movies of all time. I went to see it 6 times in the theaters alone!
• I believe in miracles …
• ... meaning the Chargers WILL win the Super Bowl someday.
• I’m very much for doing our part to slow the global warming process. Yes my friends (you know yourselves), Global Warming!
• Although I do not own or believe I will ever own a pet, I am against animal cruelty. This includes but is not limited to animals in zoo cages and horse-drawn ‘Cinderella’ carriages anywhere but in Central Park. :)
• Go Victory Ford!! Go Carrie Bradshow!!!!
• To directly steal a great pal’s comment, “Music is the love of my life...I regularly cheat on him with a good book, TV or a movie but he knows his place in my heart”
• … a good book really is a very close second. Once I find an author I love, I make it a goal to read every book they have ever written.
• Yes, I mostly only read cheesy love stories type books. I envy my friends that can sit down and seriously read a self help title or an autobiography. I really wish I could.
• I love romantic comedies. They have been really disappointing of late, but no matter how much I try to resist, I always end up watching them. (I guess this should tie to #3).
• The older I get, the more I’m becoming a girl’s girl. Yes, I know, it's very disappointing for those of you that knew me growing up and heavily influenced the tomboy I was then.
• I love Wikipedia. I know it’s not a reliable source but I use it as a reference at least twice a day.
• I don’t know what my life was before we had internet. How did I survive?
• I believe I’m great with directions. Who needs a GPS system when they’ve got me? ;)
• Letting go is probably the most difficult and significant trait I will ever learn.
• I love my siblings. Although we are not effusive about how we feel, I know that there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
• We don’t get to chose family; which is why I am so grateful that mine worked out so well.
• This does not represent His position in my list or life for that matter. I love the Lord with all of my heart. He has continued to watch out for me even though I disappoint so much. I love that no one can ever take that away from me.
• I suffer from football withdrawal in the off season. Can’t believe we have another 6 months to go. Thank God for the occasional sports center updates.
• I’ve always wanted to do a year abroad in London or Barcelona. Its beginning to look like it might not happen but I’m still holding on to hope.
• Someday, I am going to go cold turkey on booze. SOME DAY.